from girlhood to dykehood
starting anew…
journal entry #4
i started college as a girl at legal age of 18. but who would’ve known the experiences that will come & go. some fleeting with joy & other filled with trauma. so much learning & growing to prove more to myself more than anyone else. i’ve met so many new people, gained many mentors & discovered more things about myself. i gained so much love with friends who have became family. one thing undergrad has done for me is bring my creativity back. helping me step seamlessly into my place as the soulful storyteller in all mediums i choose. i’m lost many people, complexes, things (journals, my urn necklace, & jackets), & my sanity. never my humor or glimpses of joy. things felt harsh & bleak though within my heart i felt the resistance & rebellion. the world of literature & theatre have taught me so much. it helped me seek therapy. literature & theatre have given me a voice when others have tried taking it away. i put my soul into so much i do but that was never my problem. while going through mental within myself about my identity of transness fitting into lesbianism. because of creepy older people put their & white supremacy thoughts on me. because my body looks like this & develops the way it does i’m meant to assimilate. the idea of me seeing my self as nonbinary & agender is centering. the likes of other people seeing that? maybe but no one will understand me like i can. going to an hbcu & growing up black in poverty has shown & taught me so much. society & familiars have tried to joke, project & harm while denying it all. i did not leave that little girl we simply grew into & left as this enchanting young transmasc stud you see before you. i’m human & always reminded by errors & the trials. i gave myself the chance & the courage. it felt like a long time coming & i’ve finished & accomplished so much. i came in with scars & gained more wounds but continued on like the warrior i am. committed to myself, my craft, community, family.. a love.
